Ahhhh...Perfectionism.

So, I mentioned that I came from a long line of great hosts. I think that was part of the problem.
I take no notice of how perfect or not so perfect things are when I got to or go into other people's homes. But I held myself, as a hostess, to a whole different set of high expectations.

Let me give an example. My grandmother, Mama, was an amazing cook. Her door was always open. All you had to do, was stick your head in her screen door and say, "Hello?" and she'd welcome you in. She'd insist you get a drink and sit down. If she was doing something, she'd stay about her work and you were welcome to visit with her while she worked. But even though she was working, you knew she was listening. Her house always clean. She could serve you a great feast, and you'd never know she'd cooked anything b/c her kitchen was so clean.

While she was such a great example as a hostess, friend and cook- I found that if I couldn't do things as well as Mama did, then I was essentially a failure. So, I just wouldn't do it.

I think that was the real failure. Not trying.

This is also sin. It's the sin of perfectionism. It took me a long time to realize that I was holding myself hostage to really big problem. I think perfectionism also encourages worry, anxiousness, and anger when things don't go according to plan. I think it also causes people to covet what others have or gifts they possess when we just can't seem to "compete or stand out" the way they do.

When I was able to realize I was holding my self captive to a sin and something really unhealthy, I was able to really have open discussion with God about where I was coming from. I began to hear God say, "Kelly, it is okay. Let's work on this together." The really crazy thing about perfectionism--it really isn't very forgiving. But God is.

There is a lot more to tell....stay tuned....