The Mad Hostess

Okay, my response to my perfectionism and stress is to get mad. So having people over made me mad because for some reason I felt like everything had to be perfect and I would stress because being hostess was work for me. That's why I deemed myself the Mad Hostess.

When you really struggle with something, you need help. Since we all struggle, we all need help. But sometimes we just can’t bring ourselves to ask for help or we are too prideful to admit there is a problem. Wait, I forgot something…maybe it is too hard to change. Or if we change, we might actually have to do something about the fears we have or we are afraid we won’t be as much fun to be around. Especially if something changes between us and God.

I finally realized that my temper tantrums, perfectionism, shutting people out rather than inviting them in--was really uncool. I was tired of it. And so I asked God for help.

It wasn’t an overnight change. And I certainly still struggle from time to time, but when you can hand something over to God and say “God, I need you. I need your help.” He can and He will.
Kelly, you think, you’ve got no real problems, you just didn’t want to have anyone over. It wasn’t that I just didn’t want to have anyone over…it was that I was holding myself captive to a bunch of expectations that don’t matter in the scheme of things. I was enslaving myself to anger, fear of disappointment, perfectionism and fear that my guests may not like my home or my food.

So, I asked for help. I asked God to help me not get so mad. I asked if He'd give me a better attitude, instead of being so perfectionistic. I asked God to forgive me for caring so much about what others think and help me to stop making having folks over about me and make it about the people walking through my door.

I don't want to sound like "I've arrived" and I don't struggle. Sure I struggle. But thankfully not as much I did at one time. And I know I can go to God with my struggles. That's a good thing.

So, the point of this blog is I realized that their are other people who aren't natural hosts and chefs. I thought since I'm learning, I'd share what I am learning. What I've found works and doesn't work. I also hope that someone else can be encouraged by how reaching out to God and asking for help with your fears, struggles and disappointments can really change you.

Thanks for reading!